Featured Article: Dear Caregivers, Have
You Been Abondoned?

By Bob DeMarco, Alzheimer’s Reading Room

Do you feel like your life has been put on hold? One issue that really frustrates me is the treatment of Alzheimer's caregivers.

Most Alzheimer's caregivers hear people tell them how wonderful they are for taking care of their loved one. As a caregiver, I learned to appreciate these compliments. They help, they really do.

However, if you have a loved one, family member, or friend that is an Alzheimer's caregiver and all you do is tell them what a great job they are doing - it is not enough.

Family and friends forget many Alzheimer’s caregivers.

This is a sad truth that is rarely discussed.

I meet and talk to caregivers all the time. It is not unusual for them to tell me that as time goes on, and as Alzheimer's worsens, one by one their family and friends fade away. This is understandable - Alzheimer's is scary and disconcerting. It is hard to accept, hard to understand, and hard to watch as it progresses.

It is not unusual for the friends and family to continue to call and give the caregiver words of praise and then resume their own life.

Meanwhile, the caregiver puts their life on hold - or worse they have no life - while caring for a person living with Alzheimer's. Calling and letting the caregiver "vent" is helpful, very helpful, but it is not enough

Like it or not, if you are a family member or friend of an Alzheimer's caregiver and you are not helping them - you have abandoned them. I am sure this sounds harsh. But, it's not even close to the harshness of your own behavior.

Caregivers need help. A few hours here and there to get away from it all are an important step in improving their lives. Some time to enjoy the world outside their home. Time to re-attach with others.
Why am I so passionate and adamant about this?

Forty percent of Alzheimer's caregivers end up suffering from depression - four out of ten. Do you want to see this happen to a loved one or friend?

Alzheimer's is a sinister disease - it kills the brain of the person suffering from Alzheimer's.

And, it will try to kill the brain of the Alzheimer's caregiver.

I really don't believe this problem is well understood.

Here are my immediate suggestions.

If you know an Alzheimer's caregiver, find a way to organize the troops- family and friends - and get involved. Somebody has to take the initiative and if you are reading this article - take charge now.
If you know a family that is dealing with Alzheimer's send them the link to this article and encourage them to organize up their own troops and do something.

Nothing works better than a small team of caregivers helpers. The key words here are team and teamwork.

Take the following actions that will improve the life of the caregiver and help them avoid depression.

• The Alzheimer's caregiver needs to get away from it all. They need a respite every few days. This means someone must take over while they do something they enjoy. You might find this difficult to believe, but when I get to go to the store, take my time, and look around at the surroundings - it is a treat. I bet you take this for granted.

Invite your Alzheimer's caregiver and their loved one over for lunch or dinner. Most Alzheimer's caregivers tell me that one of the biggest problems they face is socialization. Both the caregiver and need to talk and interact with other human beings. Don't you? Socializing really benefits the Alzheimer's sufferer. What is not as apparent is how much it benefits the Alzheimer's caregiver.

• This one is tough to do but could very well keep the caregiver from becoming depressed. Many sufferers of Alzheimer's get up in the middle of the night. This means the caregiver needs to get up with them. Sleep deprivation often leads to depression and it can cause erratic behavior. Imagine going night after night without sleeping well. If this is happening to someone you know you need to help design a plan that allows him or her to get the sleep they need.
• Do you know an Alzheimer's caregiver? Ask them when was the last time they went OUT to a movie? You might be surprised when you hear the answer. You can solve this problem through teamwork: one person looks after the patient, and the other one takes the caregiver to the movie. This is a "get away from it all experience" that is really beneficial to the mental health of the Alzheimer's caregiver.

Here is what I learned from other caregivers.
Friends and family abandon many caregivers. The reasons for this vary widely - ranging from denial, dysfunction, to fear of Alzheimer's.

Many times friends and family while living their own busy lives fail to realize what is happening to the caregiver. An Alzheimer's caregiver might vent to you or me about their difficult day; but they rarely tell friends and family that they need help.

Let me summarize.
Forty percent of Alzheimer's caregivers end up suffering from depression.
You can do something about this problem.

The best solution is to organize a small group of people, and to come up with a plan to assist the Alzheimer's caregiver.

You might consider adopting an Alzheimer's caregiver.

Don't allow Alzheimer's to take control of the caregiver - form a team to take control of the problem. The caregiver gets a life, the person living with Alzheimer's gets more effective care, and the team gets the wonderful feeling that comes along with doing something and getting involved.
Note: I realize the above does certainly not apply to all families and friends of Alzheimer's caregivers.

Finally, Hug a caregiver.  Frequently.  People living with Alzheimer’s need physical contact.  Their caregivers do as well.  Visit and hug one today.  It will make your day.  And theirs.

I know from my own experience that if you take action you'll end up feeling good about yourself. Action will change and enrich your life.

Don't hesitate, or be afraid, to email this article or a link to this article to anyone you know that has been touched by Alzheimer's disease.■

The Alzheimer’s Reading Room is a comprehensive site run by full-time caregiver and advocate Bob DeMarco. A variety of talented writers offer everything you need to know about the challenge of care giving, your loved one’s condition, and self-care.

Thanks to the tireless efforts of everyone at the Alzheimer’s Reading Room, you have a go-to place for advice, education, and an occasional laugh. Stop by and start feeling empowered to handle life as a caregiver.

The Alzheimer’s Reading Room has earned the No 1 spot of the top 25 Alzheimer’s blogs for 2013.

We are so grateful that Bob, our colleague and friend allows us to share his work and his love of his mother Dotty, now deceased but in our hearts always.■

http://www.alzheimersreadingroom.com